I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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