Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
