For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
