One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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