Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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