I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Randomize
