your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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