"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
