I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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