Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
