The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
True college students do jello shots in the library
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