I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
