Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
