That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
