i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
A+ Viking dick
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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