party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
