i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
