the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
