Tell her she can't have a vagina
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
