I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
