apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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