I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I've blown a few things in my day
my sisters under your porch take her home
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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