Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
