Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Are we still banned from the library?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
