R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
