You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
