So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
