I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
they call him Oral-B. enough said
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
