it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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