The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
It's rum buckets o'clock
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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