We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I think my moral compass just broke
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
