Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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