alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
