So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
17 year olds will be the death of me.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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