She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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