I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
This can only be settled by a dance off.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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