i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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