omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
