So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
So many bounce houses so little time
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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