it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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