Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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