3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
