You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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