did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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