idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
