We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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