The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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