Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
