i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
