but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
