nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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