i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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