You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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