a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
